


Sweetness

by Duke157



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Canon Continuation, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Major spoilers for TLOU2, That was a rollercoaster and I needed to write this, do not read if you haven't finished the game, i'm not good with tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24838021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duke157/pseuds/Duke157
Summary: The wind blew her hair into her eyes, but that didn’t bother her. She could stand a little wind; she had been through far worse.She couldn’t however, stop the tremble in her fingers or the slight hitch in her breath. Coming back was more terrifying now that she was here, standing on the same hill she and Joel were when he li… when they came back from the fireflies.P.S. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GAME
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 390





	Sweetness

The wind blew her hair into her eyes, but that didn’t bother her. She could stand a little wind; she had been through far worse.

She couldn’t however, stop the tremble in her fingers or the slight hitch in her breath. Coming back was more terrifying now that she was here, standing on the same hill she and Joel were when he li… when they came back from the fireflies.

She left the cottage shortly after noon, but without a horse, it was well into the evening hours by the time she made it to Jackson. Sofie, who was guarding the main gate, took a moment to recognize her, but let her through after an enthusiastic “Welcome back” and a hug.

She didn’t ask about the fingers.

* * *

Maria found her shortly thereafter, word traveled around town faster than she could. She led her inside her house, handed her a mug of coffee and a slice of leftover apple pie from lunch, and the two of them sat down at the dinner table.

Maria frowned at her hand as she reached out to cut the pie into smaller pieces but didn’t say anything. After taking a few bites of her pie and a couple of sips of coffee, Ellie finally spoke.

“I understand now why Joel loved this stuff.” She held up her mug with a smile that didn’t quite reach her ears. “It tastes like life. It will always be bitter, but you will find the sweetness if you look for it.”

Maria’s expression remained outwardly calm but was poised for an outburst of anger or something.

Ellie exhaled deeply. “I’m done being bitter, Maria. I’m just… done.”

A hint of surprise crossed Maria’s face, before it softened into a smile. “Did you…”

“No. I let her go. She’s out there, somewhere. I don’t kn… I don’t want to know where.”

Maria got up out of her chair and leaned down to hug Ellie. Ellie wrapped her arm around Maria’s and the pair just hugged for a minute, before Maria planted a kiss on Ellie’s forehead.

“There’s someone else who needs to hear these words, Ellie. She will never admit it if you ask, but she’s been watching that gate every single day since she came here.”

“Thank you. For everything.”

“You’re family, Ellie.”

Maria left her with some more pie and a promise to arrange a house for her by nightfall.

* * *

Most of townsfolk waved at her as she walked by, mostly familiar faces, some of them were new ones; the little kids ran up and hugged her and she laughed with them. Only the few who knew her well would’ve been able to decipher that none of those laughs were wholehearted.

Ellie stood in front of the door of Eugene’s old place, the tremble in her fingers was now back, along with the guilt of leaving what she had – what they had.

She steeled herself and knocked softly, receiving no response. She was about to knock again when she heard the cry of a baby. Ellie followed the voice as she slowly walked around the house and found the subjects of her most recent fears in the backyard. Dina was hanging up their laundry while holding a sniffling JJ in her baby sack.

“Dina.”

She froze and slowly turned around to face the source of the voice. Ellie couldn’t meet her piercing glare; she could only stare at Dina’s feet. If she had looked up, she would’ve found a myriad of emotions flash across Dina’s face, but the one that finally won out was anger.

“You… do not get to come back here. You-”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t… I…”

“I’m really sorry, for everything I put you through. I know I have no right to ask you to take me back.”

“Don’t you fucking da-”

“I know and I’m not going to. I’m here… I’m here to tell you I’m sorry… and that I’m done with that. I’m not leaving. Never again.”

Dina didn’t speak for a long time and Ellie still couldn’t look up from Dina’s feet. She had no idea what Dina was thinking and was absolutely terrified about what she was going to say. She also knew that whatever she would say, Ellie had to accept it.

“Okay.” Dina finally said.

Ellie finally looked up at Dina’s face, but found it to be completely unreadable.

After a moment, Ellie just nodded and turned to leave. Just before she left, she spoke out. “I couldn’t do it. I… had her in my hands, seconds away from drowning, and I… couldn’t.” She left without looking back.

* * *

Maria had arranged for a house pretty close by to her own; Ellie guessed that was deliberate to make it easier to keep tabs on her. For her first month back, Maria made sure someone came down and visited Ellie every single day, if she couldn’t do it herself. Deep down, Ellie appreciated what Maria was doing; she didn’t know if she could even trust herself after everything. She would wake up at ungodly hours of the night to nightmares of the cottage or Jeese’s body in a pool of blood or Dina’s back as she walked out or… Abby’s drowning face in her arms. Ellie would slightly feel her broken fingers as reminder that she was not back there anymore. All those events had passed, and all those decisions were taken; Ellie couldn’t go back for them anymore.

Tommy was expectedly unhappy about what happened, and he made sure Ellie knew about it. The first two times, Maria intervened and ensured everybody went home with all their body parts intact. The third time Tommy caught her at the town bar while Maria wasn’t around. Tommy yelled at Ellie for a couple of minutes before she finally yelled back; told him he could shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. He didn’t come back after that. Ellie had overhead that Maria had also paid him a visit after that incident.

* * *

For the first month, Ellie had only been assigned tasks inside the walls of Jackson and most of them didn’t involve anything that could strain her fingers. If Ellie had felt anything about being restricted, she didn’t say anything about it.

This also brought her face to face with Dina, who seemed to make it a point to avoid acknowledging Ellie if she could. Every time they crossed paths, whether it was at the marketplace or one of Maria’s town briefings, Ellie would feel a slight tinge of guilt overtake her. She knew she deserved it; her only wish was that Dina would give her a chance at forgiveness. After the bar incident, Ellie noticed that Dina would often give her covert glances as their paths crossed. On one such occasion their eyes met, and Dina gave her something resembling a smile.

Ellie slept peacefully that night.

Slowly, Ellie was allowed back on to the patrols. When word had reached Dina that Ellie was going back out there again, she had rushed down to the gate on impulse, JJ still in her arms. Ellie just caught a glimpse of her as she turned around and rushed back to her home, before she did something stupid.

* * *

When JJ’s birthday came around early that fall, Dina had opened her door to find a gift-wrapped package on her doorstep. Even before she saw the name on the package, she knew who it was from. Dina looked around to see if anyone was watching, but since it was still early in the morning nobody was around. She opened the package to find an intricately painted upon baby bottle for JJ and an almost brand new jeans and flannel for her. A hint of worry struck her as she wondered where Ellie had to have gone to find something so new.

As she unraveled the shirt to look at it further, something slipped out and fell to the floor. Dina leaned down and picked up her bracelet that she had given Ellie many months ago. Tears filled her eyes and she brought her hand to her mouth as she read the note attached to it.

_I didn’t deserve to keep this for so long._

Ellie didn’t see her for weeks after that, her nightmares had come back as the days got colder and she was forced to spend more of her time inside. She had begged for more assignments to patrols, but Maria wouldn’t budge. Eventually, she gave up and stayed home.

* * *

She woke up one morning to someone heavily knocking at her door. She opened it and found Tommy standing in front of her with his head down.

“I… uh… can I come in?”

Ellie had observed him tersely, before slowly nodding. She waited for him to limp his way over to one of her chairs and watched as he took a seat without asking.

“I… I’m sorry for… everything I said.”

Ellie studied him for minute trying to gauge if the words were his own or someone else had put them there. After a moment of observation, she nodded once again. The two stood in silence for another minute before Tommy got up once again.

“Alright, I must be going.” After a long pause, he continued. “Keep safe, Ellie.”

“I will.” She said, just barely loud enough for him to hear it. Tommy gave her a light smile before limping out.

* * *

The day of the winter dance arrived, and with it the anniversary of Joel’s death; her first one since she came back from Santa Barbara.

Ellie was nowhere to be found for the entire night. It wasn’t until an hour past midnight, that Dina had stumbled upon Ellie in the graveyard, sitting in front of Joel’s epitaph. Wordlessly, she sat down next to her.

“Where’s the little one?”

“Jesse’s mother insisted that I take the night off. She said that she wanted to spend a night with her grandson, but I know better.” Dina chuckled.

Ellie turned back to face the epitaph, but she felt Dina slip something in her palm. Ellie looked down to find Dina’s bracelet. Her eyes widened as she whipped her head around to face her.

“It was always yours, long before I gave it to you.”

Dina took it from her palms and wrapped it around Ellie’s wrist. Ellie felt heart catch in her throat as she couldn’t find the words to express what she was feeling.

“I was absolutely terrified that you wouldn’t make it back. I couldn’t eat. I… I…” Dina’s voice kept getting louder as her words got hoarser; tears now streaming down her face. “I was afraid my nightmares would wake JJ up, so I didn’t sleep. Even now, I get worried every time you step out on patrol.”

Ellie didn’t say anything as Dina was now loudly sobbing into the shoulder pad of her flannel. She didn’t even react as Dina would occasionally hit her stomach or her arm.

“Why can’t I not love you.”

Ellie watched as Dina cried herself to sleep on her shoulder. When she was finally done, Ellie gave Joel another smile, before picking up Dina and carrying her to her home.

As she laid her down on her bed, Dina grabbed her arm and pulled her down.

“Stay.”

Ellie nodded and slipped underneath the covers with Dina. Dina wrapped her arm around her waist and brought her broken hand up and planted a small kiss on each of the two fingers she lost. Ellie felt a huge weight lift off of her chest.

She thought of Joel just before they fell asleep. Joel had lost a lot in life, and for many years after Sarah’s death, he was just surviving. But he had finally found a reason to live in Ellie. And that’s how she finally understood his actions back in Salt Lake City. He had found something to live for and he wasn’t about to give that up, not again.

And now Ellie had something to live for and she’d be damned if she ever left this again. She had found her sweetness in this bitter world.


End file.
